Changing the Story

Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create… Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are telling ourselves a story and we choose the day that story changes.

- After Earth

This morning I woke up pleased to learn that I’ve lost 3.2 pounds. More than the fact that I’m 3 pounds closer to being able to fit my clothes again, for me that progress symbolizes a step towards loving my body. Don’t get me wrong, no magical number on a scale equates how much I should love my body- I’ve had self-esteem issues whether I was 109 pounds or 143. Instead, my weight loss is a result of caring more about my body and my self.

The truth is that when I was going through those emotional months of being separated, not quite divorced, yet living in the same house as LA’s mom, I ate A LOT partially because I couldn’t sleep well so would need a fourth meal at 10/11 at night, and partially because chocolate (and snacks) became my comfort. It’s crazy because I never considered myself an emotional eater before then but I quickly jumped on that bandwagon with both feet.

Then when I moved to Texas, my eating habits worsened. I was excited to be back with all the southern food that symbolized “home” (my family hails from Louisiana though I was born and raised in Cali). I could get GOOD grits, biscuit, barbecue, and the like ANY TIME I WANTED. And I indulged often. Plus, the fact that I was (am) working non-stop with no child to cook for regularly made fast food way too convenient.

Excuses and reasons aside, it boiled down to not treating my health and body as a priority. Period. This year I want to like myself more, even love myself. And not as an after-thought or if only, or when I have time to. I want to trust that I am beautiful and not need someone else’s words to be my only validation. I want to be confident and secure, so I have to behave that way. That means no more negative self-talk and nutritious, sustaining and loving food. I owe it to myself and it puts me one step closer to loving the woman who I’ve become.

 

 

10 comments

  1. poetrystruth says:

    Congrats Lib! I feel you on the body love. I’m trying to get back to a comfortable me. A happy me. In 2013 I worked on my mental…2014 is the year of the physical. Taking what I’ve learned about me, continuing to do the hard work and adding physical care and love to that equation. Terrified and excited. Life is good.

  2. Davina says:

    Congrats on 3lbs released! Celebrate every ounce! I focused on releasing weight most of 2012 on into 2013 (until pregnancy took over) and what worked for me was writing down my meals so I could see what I was eating and hold myself accountable. Also healing and dealing with my STUFF helped. Once I began to do the work spiritually and mentally, the weight came off faster. You’ve inspired me to get back on the wagon.

Leave a Reply